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Nov. 6th, 2012

I quit my job. It felt like nothing I did was enough for them, they kept expecting more and more, and it got to the point where I was having panic attacks over it every day. No paycheck is worth my mental stability, and it's mighty shaky even without this kind of stress. I'm going to try to find another job right away, something a lot less stressful. I still have a paycheck and a half coming to me, so at least I won't have to scramble for money right away. Wish me luck on finding a new job and not beating myself up over all this!


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Oct. 4th, 2012

So I'm pretty much living with Jake now. :D The only real downside is that I have to pay his parents rent eventually, but that shouldn't be too much. Besides, we'll be looking for an apartment soon and will hopefully have one by New Year's.

I'm fully confident that Savers will be keeping me after November 6(my 90 days), so I feel a little better about scouring the internet for apartment listings. Just yesterday both managers told me I've been doing a phenomenal job lately and that they were glad I fought to stay in production. I've been taken out of shoes, which doesn't really bother me now that Thomas is gone(they took him out of shoes for a stupid reason and wouldn't let him go back, so he quit. :( ) because he's the only reason I wanted to work in shoes in the first place; he was just so nice. His roommate works at Savers and said he was doing fine, that he's going to school and gets financial aid, so he doesn't really need a job anyway. I'm just glad he's okay.

But yeah, back to work stuff. I was taken out of shoes so I could be the production floor's "fire extinguisher," as the managers put it. :P I just run around and fix everything that other people screw up, because I'm super fast when it comes to hanging and tagging/ordering clothing, apparently. WHO KNEW I WAS GOOD AT THINGS. :U We've been getting done an hour late every day this week, even with all my help, plus my feet are killing me, so I'm ready to stab things by the end of the day. But just knowing that they really appreciate everything I'm doing makes it so much easier. I always feel like I'm not doing enough and when told me how grateful they were I just about started to cry asdfjkl. ;A;

I really wish we could find more competent employees; Savers has been hiring and firing like crazy lately, and for good reasons. Three rules for keeping a job: Show up, shut up, and do what you're told. They're some hard rules to remember, for some reason. We've had mostly ditchers, complainers, and lollygaggers since I've been hired, but there are some really hard working new hires to make up for it. Hopefully we can find more people who are actually willing to work for their money.

That's enough employee babble. I feel like I haven't had time to do anything but work, eat, and sleep lately; I've only been home once in the past month, so I haven't seen my fuzzbutt cats much either. :( Hopefully Jake and I can find a place that allows them; my parents said they'd take care of them if it came to that, but I really wish they could be with me.

I should probably go to bed, but the dog whining at the foot of the bed is going to make this difficult.


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Don't make me stab a ho.

So my interview was on Friday, and I think it went well. They're hiring for full-time(42.5 hours/week) in the sorting/labeling area, so if I'm hired I won't even have to deal with customers! I'm quite happy about that, especially since I thought I would be interviewing for a cashier position. Plus they're hiring more than one person, so it's not me against ten other people for one job; that makes me feel a little more optimistic. :U They're only paying $7.45/hour, which is a little more than Wisconsin's shit minimum wage, but because it's full time I hardly care. I'd be taking home at least $1000 a month, which would be more than enough when combined with Jake's monthly income for us to move into an apartment together! And of course he's on board with that, otherwise I wouldn't be talking about it. Of course, we'll probably save up for a few months beforehand. Can't pay that lovely pet/security deposit with sad kitty stares. As I type this, Mona is knocking things to the floor on purpose. We probably won't get that security deposit back. Filthy beasts. :U

Hire me, Savers; I'd like to start my independent life and be happy, please. ;A;

In other news, I ate like shit the past week. Gonna try harder this week. Life goes on.

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It's definitely the house's fault, right?

Why is it that whenever I come home after being at Jake's for a week I eat way too much and stay up way too late? I almost doubled my calorie intake yesterday and stayed up until 5 am this morning. Needless to say, I feel like shit today. It's not like I'm depressed about being home or anything; I know we both need time to ourselves. It's always weird when you slip up after changing your habits; you realize just how crappy you felt before on a daily basis, bloated and lethargic.
I haven't gone over my calorie limit today so that's one thing I can be proud of, since I tend to get discouraged and quit whenever I screw up something like this. I've lost a couple more pounds, only 15 total since the beginning of the year, but it's better than gaining it. I'll admit that I wasn't trying very hard before, losing a couple pounds and then quitting, rinse and repeat, but I'm really trying not to fuck it up this time. Jake's cheering me on, and it really helps to know that for once someone believes in you and wants to help you reach your goal. ;w;

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My man got a new guitar on Thursday! He used his credit card, which I was a little peeved about, but he traded another guitar as partial payment so he didn't spend ~as much~ as he would have otherwise. But it looks and sounds gorgeous, he regularly pays his credit card bill, and he's happy with it, so that's all that matters. He also offered to buy me yarn that day, so I should probably just appreciate the fact that he supports my addiction. xD

Oh, and that mohawk? That was all me. Damn, he looks hot. :V

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CREATIVE JUICES ARE GO

So I actually did something crafty today:
DSC00562
This is my second attempt at spinning.  Would you like to see the first?
DSC00557
Absolutely terrible, right?  I did this two years ago and I was so discouraged when it turned out like this that I left it on the spindle.  What a thick, clumpy mess; it's been sitting on my shelf looking pathetic all this time.  I'm so proud of myself for picking it back up and being able to do it right without even struggling.  I plan on spinning the rest of my white roving, spinning yellow and then black so it makes a striping effect when knitted, and then plying the two together.  It's going to be gorgeous. ;A;

I've got my crafting mojovation back, Ren!  I'll be finishing your hat tonight!

Magical Chicken Goop

Chicken soup has CURED ME OF ALL THINGS. I had a can and *POOF* I was better. My throat still hurts a little, but oh well.

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The Plague

Both Jake and I have been sick all week, him from allergies and me from who knows what. It started out as a sore throat, morphed into a sinus infection, and now it's turned into ear and jaw pain so bad I can't listen to or chew anything, plus a shitty cough and my nose running so terribly that I've had to put paper towels under my head to sleep. I've been curled up on his futon all week. It hurts to even lift my head, let alone do anything else. At least we both feel like crap, that way we can't feel bad about one of us boring the other.

On the bright side, I had two interviews(for the same thing) at Walmart on Wednesday, which I believe went well. Now it all comes down to what my references say about me; if it's good I'll have a third interview, which is basically a job offer. ALL THE JOBS WILL BE MINE. U8 It's Walmart, but it can't be THAT terrible, right? I interviewed for the electronics department, so it's not like I'll be cashiering or cleaning bathrooms(for once!). If they call and ask me to come in on Monday I'm screwed, because I'm 95% sure I won't be better by then. And it doesn't pay to go to urgent care to see what a doctor can prescribe me, because I don't have the money to pick up the prescription.

OH, and I was going to donate plasma at Biolife to earn some cash, but the first time I was there I had a fever for no reason. Go me. :l I've been trying to get back in, but I have to schedule it as a physical appointment since I only got halfway through my first and there isn't anything available until the Monday after this coming one. If I get a job I'm not going to worry about it, though. Let's hope I don't have to resort to people stabbing me for cash. 8l

I can hear Jake listening to a song in the other room. It sounds stupid, but that might be because my damn ears are bleeding. :U

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I feel like posting but I have no significant news SO HI EVERYBODY POINTLESS POST IS POINTLESS.

OH PANNSIEBUTT I LOVE YOUR VIDEO. It's nice to know we're both amused by the same random things. /watches forever

My next post will contain birthday spoils and other fancy tidbits of useless information. Good day to you. :U


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My birthday will be just fine, because I'll be spending it at Jake's. (B

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May. 20th, 2012

- I didn't get the job.
- My ex offered to take me out for lunch tomorrow a week ago and I haven't heard a thing from him since.
- Nobody in this house gives a shit about my birthday or wants to do anything.
- I am not surprised by any of this.

I guess I'll spend tomorrow curled up in a ball of pathetic.

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Life is... spoot.

Long time no post, ladies and gents. :U  Not much to report; Jake and I are still doing great.  I DID manage to score an interview, though.  FINALLY.  I've been applying almost everywhere(places that are ACTUALLY hiring) and the only place that's called me back is Hot Topic.  The interview went really well; the manager and I ended up talking for half an hour, and half of it wasn't even about job stuff.  That's a good sign, right?  I'm confident that I did the best I could(and I am a wreck when it comes to people asking me questions), so it all comes down to how many people she interviewed and is allowed to hire; I just KNOW I'm on her hire list.  I'm supposed to know by Friday, so of course I'll obsess over it to no end.  Hopefully Jake will be able to put up with me, as I'll be with him the majority of the week.

My car's transmission was NOT failing; spark plugs were shitty and needed to be replaced.  Apparently they had never been.  Good job, previous owner.  No matter, everything is fixed and fine now.

I've been knitting.  I'm currently working on a Venusaur hat for Ms. pannsie using this color chart I made:

So far I'm still on the ribbing, as I don't know how many rows I want it to be.  The height and width of the leaves are set, as is the width of the petals, so the correct number of each fit the number of stitches in the hat.  I don't know how long the petals will be; I'll worry about that when I get to them.

I've been trying to lose weight, I really have.  I haven't exercised lately, but I've been attempting to keep my calorie intake at 1600, giving myself free days once in a while so I don't lose it and down a bucket of ice cream.  I really need to drink more water; I just plain forget sometimes.  I'll go days without drinking anything, and then wake up one morning wondering why I feel like crap.  The lack of water HAS to be what's been keeping the scale stuck stubbornly in one place; I try hard not to go over 1600 calories a day, which isn't much at all considering what I weigh( 283 8( ), so the weight should be melting off.  I don't hate that I weigh this much; what I hate is the fact that I allowed myself to gain back everything I lost the first time.  I actually LIKE my body and I only look about half as big as what the scale says; I carry most of my weight in my ass/thighs(GHETTO BOOTY WHUT), so the majority of me IS "normal" size, if there is such a thing. xD  The only goal I really have is to be able to fit into all of the clothes I used to wear, just because I don't have money to buy anything else other than the few outfits I have now.  And I know Jake would love me no matter what size I was, so this isn't about pleasing him or anything.  It's a fashion crisis, more than anything. :U

My birthday is the 21st.  I feel really weird about turning 20, because: a) 20 years is already gone and I feel like I haven't done anything, and b) I feel like I have to hurry and grow the fuck up now, however you do that.  Did anyone else feel this way about a certain age they've turned?  Is there such thing as a quarter-age crisis?

I don't like birthdays in general, actually.  I've had ONE good birthday(which was because of my ex's mother(thank you!)) and I feel like the rest of them have been shit.  Nobody remembers, or fusses over me, or gets me anything.  I know it sounds selfish and stupid, and I'm usually not one to expect things from people, but is it too much to ask that someone does something nice for me for a change?  I feel like I do everything to make everyone else happy, but I can't even look forward to my own birthday because I know nothing will be reciprocated.  This only counts for my immediate family, by the way.  Which is sad, because shouldn't they be the ones making the biggest fuss?  My friends remember and I know Jake will remember, so why do I feel like my family doesn't care?

Jake is taking me out on the 20th because he has to work the 21st, which is great of him, but that means I won't have anything to do on my actual birthday.  My parents won't do anything and none of my friends live in the area, so I'll probably just sit at home feeling sorry for myself, even though I know perfectly well that making such a huge deal out of it is stupid.  I can't even do something for myself because I have no money.  I just want the birthday everyone else seems to get, that's all; the one where people plan things for them or surprise them with something.  It just seems like my family is indifferent to mine.

TL;DR: Hopefully hired, weight loss dramatics, my own family forgets my birthday, self-pity baww ensues.  I didn't mean for this entry to turn into such a crapfest, but yeah.  Hopefully the next one won't be so terrible.  I deserve good things, dammit.

EDIT: Just realized I haven't posted in almost two months WHOOPS SORRY GAIZ. 8U

Holy crap, you guys; I haven't been on here in over a week.  pkmncollectors either.  Please excuse me while I read ALL YOUR THINGS. :U  I haven't even been that busy, besides being at Jake's a lot.  

News:
- I still don't have a job; no place I've applied to that was actually hiring has even attempted to contact me.  Good thing I don't have bills to pay, otherwise I'd be screwed.  The only places around here that are hiring are places where I know I'd be miserable working, so what's the point in applying?  I'm not going to apply for a job that I'd hate, so I might as well just wait it out and see what comes along, as long as I have that option.

- Along with no job comes no money.  Your Venu's still safe and sound, Ren; he's sitting right next to me.  I just plain don't have the money to send him to you right now. 8(

- I got a new phone(before I lost my job)!  Not because I didn't like my last one, but because Verizon's prepaid minutes are ridiculous compared to the service I have now.  Also, I couldn't transfer my old phone to the new service.  It is shiny:

It slides open sideways to a full keyboard.  It is spiffy.

- I taught myself how to knit(I love it just as much as crochet!), and I'm making Jake a hat.  This one:
   
I have horrendous Photoshopping skills, but at least it made him laugh. xD  It's Jayne Cobb's hat from Firefly.  You people need to watch this show.  Do it now.  I've got the hat and half an earflap done, so he'll be getting it pretty soon.  Ignore the fact that my hat looks lumpy; it's just on a lumpy chair.  I'm nervous about making and attaching the pom pom, though; I've never made one before.  I'm afraid it'll look stupid and/or fall off.  I'm so bad at the things you guysssss. U8  I did make a practice pom pom, though, and it didn't turn out too bad:

The one I put on the hat isn't going to be cut so short/poofy, but this is a good start.  Plus it's going to be three different colors; how the hell do I even. D:

- I have no idea what to get Jake for his birthday(March 29th).  It doesn't help that I'm broke.  And I can't just knit him something else, because by the time his birthday rolls around, it won't be cold anymore.  HELP ME AUGH.

I think that's it.  Here, have a parting gift:

PICTURE SPAM!







Because you've all just been DYING TO SEE HIM(I'm sure)........

Ahaha burrito face; I'm sure he'd love to know that I'm sharing this with the interwebs... <3  And of course I have photos of him that aren't just him shoving food in his face; these were just the most awkward. xD  His name is Jake and he's just such a wonderful person, you guys don't even know. ;-;

Also, I got a new camera last week; 16.1MP Sony Cyber-shot.  It is the most glorious piece of electronic equipment. ;0;
Look at this prettiness:

LOOK.  AT THAT.  GOLDUCK.  I am in total love with this camera, you guys.  It takes such crisp, lovely photos.  I didn't even like Golduck before this, but now I just want this guy for myself!  Too bad he's going to someone else soon; does anyone know how much a clear Golduck kid usually goes for? ;A;

Ughhh, I'm still so behind on the GA stuff I'm doing; it's ridiculous.  Not including the fact that the seller of the TTT plush GA sent me a Torchic instead of a Treecko...  Oh well, at least they sent me the right thing now AND I've got an extra plush to sell.

I have to be up in less than five hours.  This will be fun.  Nighty night, LJers.

OH AND P.S. I GOT A HAIRCUT:
                      BEFORE EWW GROSS                                                 AFTER YAY PURDY

Everybody's told me they love it, including complete strangers, eeeee. 83

OKAY THAT'S ALL SERIOUSLY GUYS I PROMISE.

Some herp here and some derp there.

So I can honestly say that I LOVE the new comment box layout!  Besides the fact that there's no subject line now, which will make GAs on the comm a little more difficult.  What I love most is the option to insert a photo; I can never remember the stupid code to insert it myself, so I always have to google the stupid thing.  BUT NO MORE. \o/

I still haven't cleaned or taken pictures of the items for the GAs I ran.  I've had to work all week, do Christmas stuff, and I just got sick today, so it might be a few more days before I get a chance to make all of that happen.  This entry is public, so anyone wondering where the heck I've been can see this on the pkmncollectors friends tab.  My camera's battery charger is still out of commission because the metal chargy parts are all rusty.  Does anyone know how to fix this?  I heard you can just use rubbing alcohol, but I don't know.  I guess all I can do is try because if I fuck it up, nothing changes; it still won't work. xD  My camera just kind of sucks anyway; I'm thinking of buying a Sony Cybershot with what little Christmas money I'm getting.  That and my paycheck is supposed to be halfway decent this time around(as decent as it can be working five hour shifts, at least).  I feel like with the camera I have, it's just too much work to get photos to look decent.  I shouldn't have to have it on one certain setting with the flash off with light shining in one certain place to take one stupid picture.  Easy should be easy, no?

I feel like I didn't try hard enough with the boyf's Christmas present.  I mean, he actually went and picked something out for me (no idea what it is!) and I got him an iTunes gift card and candy.  Reese's, he's obsessed with peanut butter.  Two 1 lb peanut butter cups; they're ridiculously huge.  I know he'll like my gift, but I just don't feel like I tried as hard as he did.  I'm just terrible with gifts; people have to tell me outright what they want, otherwise I just have no clue.  But not him, I guess?  I mean, he didn't even ask me what I wanted; he just went and got something and I think that says a lot.  I'm glad I'm with someone who pays that much attention to what my interests are. :)

I hope everyone has a good Christmas, I know I am.  The gifts don't even matter to me, really; I'm incredibly lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend, a job that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out, and a family that hasn't kicked me out on my ass.  YEAH BASICS.  I'm tired now; end transmission.

Dec. 20th, 2011

NOOOOOOO get back here don't put that shirt on YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE AUUUGH

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Just one thing.

I had a proper date tonight.  We had Rocky Rococo's and watched A Clockwork Orange on Netflix.  This night couldn't have been better; he's so sweet.  It's amazing how just a kiss can make the past seem so insignificant.
I OFFICIALLY HAVE A JOB I GOT HIRED FIVE MINUTES AGO HOLY SHIT WHEEEEEEEE SO MANY CAPS

I'm probably going to come here and complain about it eventually, but whatever.  THE MONIES ARE MINE.  YOU COME TO ME NOW POKEMON TIME. >8U  And canvases.

Writer's Block: It’s about to get hairy

Do you like beards, goatees or mustaches? Why or why not?
I like a little bit of scruffiness, but just a mustache or a ZZ Top beard is gross. xD
I am so irritated right now.  I got home from a friend's house a while ago and made something to eat, since they didn't have any food and I hadn't eaten all day.  Two Hot Pockets.  I wouldn't usually eat two, but like I said, I've had nothing else to eat.  My mom's alarm went off for work, so she comes out to the kitchen, sees me making them, and immediately begins badgering me about food; "that's too much for one person, you're eating us out of house and home, when those are gone I'm not buying anymore, etc."  When I tell her that's all I've made all day, she says "So what?  Just go to bed and you won't have to worry about it."  Umm yeah, I will have to worry about it, because I can't sleep when my stomach is gnawing on itself.  And then she tells me to eat a yogurt instead.  Are you kidding me; I'm supposed to eat 100 calories this entire day?  I don't think so.  You are NOT going to tell me what I can and can't eat.  Just because you buy the food doesn't mean you get to monitor what goes into my mouth.  If you want to talk about "eating us out of house and home," talk to my brother.  He'll have a normal meal, and then after a half hour, he's back in the kitchen making more food.  But of course, I can't point out that he's ACTUALLY EATING ALL OF OUR FOOD without being told to shut up.

Nice parenting, mom.  Constantly singling someone out and commenting on their food intake, as little as it ALREADY is, is just one of the many ways people develop eating disorders.  I don't say a word when you scarf down a package of Oreos, so keep the stupid to yourself and grow up, seriously.

Also, I'm wearing a pair of jeans that was previously too small, but I guess I shouldn't feel good about that either, right?